1
00:00:05,900 --> 00:00:10,510
(laser whirring)
2
00:00:10,510 --> 00:00:13,234
(people screaming)
3
00:00:15,483 --> 00:00:17,000
(door chime jingles)
4
00:00:19,000 --> 00:00:20,600
Alex! Yo, man, you okay?
5
00:00:20,600 --> 00:00:21,960
Oh, oh, what's up, Goat?
6
00:00:21,960 --> 00:00:24,550
Damn, man, what the hell you been
doing, smoking something? Geez.
7
00:00:24,550 --> 00:00:26,480
(alex chuckles)
No, no. I'm just worried about Sunday.
8
00:00:26,480 --> 00:00:28,480
Man, you've got absolutely
nothing to worry about, man.
9
00:00:28,480 --> 00:00:31,940
You got me, you got all the kids.
We're gonna help your ass out, man.
10
00:00:32,840 --> 00:00:33,900
So you're paying me, right?
11
00:00:39,600 --> 00:00:42,633
GOAT: So then I used my
no-fail, all purpose seduction line.
12
00:00:42,633 --> 00:00:44,160
ALEX: Hmm. "Wanna see God?"
13
00:00:44,160 --> 00:00:46,240
Nah, "Can I come up and use the bathroom."
14
00:00:46,240 --> 00:00:47,080
Did it work?
15
00:00:47,080 --> 00:00:49,040
Got me a hickey that
looks like the Crab Nebula.
16
00:00:50,340 --> 00:00:53,040
Oh, what's this? You...you know
I can't give you freebies forever.
17
00:00:53,040 --> 00:00:55,240
Come on, Alex, I'm
gonna be helping you out.
18
00:00:55,240 --> 00:00:56,240
Anyway, check it out.
19
00:00:56,240 --> 00:00:59,120
It's the label for
Goat's Kick-In-The-Ass Macro-Malt.
20
00:00:59,120 --> 00:00:59,920
I make it in the bathtub.
21
00:01:00,720 --> 00:01:03,020
And that's me as the
god Pan riding a Harley.
22
00:01:03,020 --> 00:01:04,320
Since when does Pan wear
23
00:01:04,320 --> 00:01:06,120
(door chime jingles)
chain mail and no pants?
24
00:01:06,520 --> 00:01:08,200
Hey sis, what do you want?
25
00:01:08,200 --> 00:01:08,800
What's up?
26
00:01:08,800 --> 00:01:12,200
Listen, I need a copy of this invite.
On card stock, so it looks real.
27
00:01:12,200 --> 00:01:14,400
What's that naked guy doing to that monkey?
28
00:01:14,400 --> 00:01:16,560
And don't you have a final tomorrow?
29
00:01:16,560 --> 00:01:18,280
Yeah whatever, mom.
30
00:01:18,280 --> 00:01:19,680
Um... (scoffs)
31
00:01:19,680 --> 00:01:22,480
Anyway, not like you'd know,
but Tuesday just so happens to be
32
00:01:22,480 --> 00:01:25,280
the new Saturday night for
anyone who is even remotely cool.
33
00:01:25,280 --> 00:01:28,720
Saturday night's only, like, Saturday night
for, like, big-haired Gucci girls now.
34
00:01:28,720 --> 00:01:31,120
And didn't you go out Saturday night, too?
35
00:01:31,120 --> 00:01:33,120
Well, sort of, but, like...
36
00:01:33,120 --> 00:01:35,140
Whatever! Why are
you, like, all up in my grill?
37
00:01:35,140 --> 00:01:35,940
(chaka scoffs)
38
00:01:35,940 --> 00:01:37,500
You don't have a life, so
like, you're just all like...
39
00:01:37,500 --> 00:01:39,840
Yeah, well, that's all gonna change.
40
00:01:39,840 --> 00:01:43,120
What, did you forget? About
Sunday? I get my own place.
41
00:01:43,120 --> 00:01:46,100
What a waste. You'll still spend
all your time playing video games.
42
00:01:46,100 --> 00:01:47,440
At least I'll have somewhere to crash.
43
00:01:47,440 --> 00:01:49,360
No-ho-ho, no you won't.
44
00:01:49,360 --> 00:01:51,500
My new apartment. Get your own apartment.
45
00:01:51,500 --> 00:01:52,060
Whatever.
46
00:01:52,060 --> 00:01:54,320
This is not Chaka's Motel 6.
47
00:01:54,320 --> 00:01:54,800
Whatever.
48
00:01:54,800 --> 00:01:58,320
Well, if I can't scrounge up some van
money fast I won't be going anywhere.
49
00:01:58,320 --> 00:01:59,540
I've got an idea.
50
00:01:59,840 --> 00:02:00,880
ALEX: Legal?
51
00:02:00,880 --> 00:02:02,800
GOAT: Well, n...no.
52
00:02:02,800 --> 00:02:05,680
You wouldn't have this problem if you
didn't spend so much money on toys.
53
00:02:05,680 --> 00:02:06,280
ALEX: Right.
54
00:02:06,280 --> 00:02:07,701
Your room is, like, filled with, like, Star Wars
55
00:02:07,701 --> 00:02:09,800
crap and Transformers
and Hot Wheels and...
56
00:02:10,200 --> 00:02:12,920
It looks like a six year
old boy lives there.
57
00:02:12,920 --> 00:02:14,840
Wait, I take that back. A six year old boy
58
00:02:14,840 --> 00:02:17,000
wouldn't have a collection
of the Spice Girls dolls.
59
00:02:17,000 --> 00:02:18,640
Man, I like Scary Spice.
60
00:02:18,640 --> 00:02:19,960
Yeah, I like Posh Spice.
61
00:02:19,960 --> 00:02:21,155
Aw, she's pretty good, too, man.
62
00:02:21,155 --> 00:02:21,720
Posh Spice.
63
00:02:21,720 --> 00:02:24,800
Oh my God, you are
so creeping me out.
64
00:02:24,800 --> 00:02:26,376
You should, like, sell
some of that junk.
65
00:02:26,400 --> 00:02:28,400
It's got to be worth something
to other geeks like you.
66
00:02:28,400 --> 00:02:31,260
I'll never sell. Never. No way.
67
00:02:31,260 --> 00:02:33,180
No. Damn. Way!
68
00:02:34,480 --> 00:02:35,960
MATT: This one's disabled.
69
00:02:35,960 --> 00:02:38,640
It's a very rare one-armed Japanese import.
70
00:02:38,640 --> 00:02:40,880
Even rarer than the old-school Yak Face.
71
00:02:40,880 --> 00:02:43,920
So, you're saying that Yoda
would beat Wolverine in a fight?
72
00:02:43,920 --> 00:02:46,000
Yes. I am confident that it is so.
73
00:02:46,000 --> 00:02:49,760
I'm afraid that you are thinking with your
heart and not your head, my friend.
74
00:02:49,760 --> 00:02:54,780
Ah, new comics day. Hmm, you can
almost smell the desperation.
75
00:02:55,280 --> 00:02:57,640
No. That's just their BO.
76
00:02:58,040 --> 00:03:01,480
Hey, look, a hundred bucks
for all of them, alright man?
77
00:03:01,480 --> 00:03:02,200
Hm?
78
00:03:02,200 --> 00:03:03,680
Hey, Alex.
79
00:03:03,680 --> 00:03:05,440
Yeah, yeah, sure, sure. Okay.
80
00:03:05,464 --> 00:03:11,024
♪ Garbage - Push It ♪
81
00:03:11,024 --> 00:03:13,324
(heartbeats)
82
00:03:13,840 --> 00:03:15,320
Here.
83
00:03:15,320 --> 00:03:16,640
Thanks.
(music stops)
84
00:03:16,640 --> 00:03:18,200
Take this to Frank.
85
00:03:18,200 --> 00:03:19,800
Oh, her name's Serena, bro.
86
00:03:19,800 --> 00:03:21,420
Not that you wanted to know or anything.
87
00:03:22,120 --> 00:03:27,280
He would have no chance against adamantium
claws and mutant healing powers.
88
00:03:27,280 --> 00:03:30,329
Hey Alex, Yoda versus Wolverine.
Who do you think's going to win?
89
00:03:30,329 --> 00:03:32,240
(serena yawns)
90
00:03:32,240 --> 00:03:36,220
Uh, sorry, I have no idea
what you're talking about.
91
00:03:39,120 --> 00:03:41,060
Ok, 100 bucks, even.
92
00:03:43,180 --> 00:03:47,360
♪ Garbage - Push It ♪
93
00:03:47,360 --> 00:03:50,020
Yo, uh... Yo, how much is that Mr. T?
94
00:03:51,820 --> 00:03:54,960
50... You gonna buy it or drool over it?
95
00:03:54,960 --> 00:03:56,640
Does it... does it still talk?
96
00:03:57,040 --> 00:03:59,840
(francis winces)
Hey Serena, get that for me.
97
00:03:59,840 --> 00:04:03,613
I threw my back out
again lifting. Damn deltoid.
98
00:04:03,613 --> 00:04:05,213
(serena chuckles)
99
00:04:07,013 --> 00:04:08,560
MR. T TOY: What you looking at, fool?!
100
00:04:09,760 --> 00:04:10,580
Here.
101
00:04:10,580 --> 00:04:11,880
Uh, thanks.
102
00:04:11,904 --> 00:04:13,556
(music stops)
103
00:04:13,880 --> 00:04:17,880
And Matt says she plays some weird
sitar, the zither, it's called?
104
00:04:17,880 --> 00:04:21,380
Oh, not another one of your
hopeless goth girl fixations.
105
00:04:21,680 --> 00:04:23,200
I bet you haven't even talked to her.
106
00:04:23,200 --> 00:04:24,360
I have so.
107
00:04:24,360 --> 00:04:25,120
Here.
108
00:04:25,120 --> 00:04:26,560
Uh, thanks.
109
00:04:26,560 --> 00:04:29,360
Oh, so you gonna take this little
plastic dinosaur collection?
110
00:04:29,360 --> 00:04:31,680
Nah, nah, I'll leave that here.
111
00:04:31,680 --> 00:04:32,180
All right.
112
00:04:32,180 --> 00:04:33,880
That's educational
stuff, I don't want that.
113
00:04:33,880 --> 00:04:38,160
Alex, don't leave me. I want to go with
you and the Gillian Anderson playset.
114
00:04:38,160 --> 00:04:39,480
I want to come too, please Alex...
115
00:04:39,480 --> 00:04:43,000
Hey, when I, hey, when I get my
apartment, I'm gonna be the man.
116
00:04:43,000 --> 00:04:43,720
Oh, really?
117
00:04:43,720 --> 00:04:44,720
Yeah.
118
00:04:44,720 --> 00:04:47,040
Or... At least a normal human being.
119
00:04:47,040 --> 00:04:50,480
You know, when you do, if that should
happen, and you start dating, you know,
120
00:04:50,480 --> 00:04:54,240
surgically implanted lap dancers
and all that kind of stuff,
121
00:04:54,240 --> 00:04:57,600
who will keep me from blowing
my brains out with a shotgun?
122
00:04:57,600 --> 00:05:00,840
Aw, don't worry. I'll
always be there for you.
123
00:05:00,840 --> 00:05:01,280
Uh huh.
124
00:05:01,280 --> 00:05:02,560
Like you'll be there for me...
125
00:05:02,560 --> 00:05:03,200
Oh, yes.
126
00:05:03,200 --> 00:05:04,280
On moving day...
127
00:05:04,280 --> 00:05:04,880
Amen.
128
00:05:04,880 --> 00:05:06,640
With the money for the van.
129
00:05:06,640 --> 00:05:09,540
You have obviously forgotten my motto:
130
00:05:09,564 --> 00:05:12,240
Neither a borrower, nor a lender be.
(alex laughs)
131
00:05:12,240 --> 00:05:15,000
Or a voluntary participant
in a poetry slam...
132
00:05:15,000 --> 00:05:17,955
Or a woman wearing a sweatshirt
decorated with glitter... Or
133
00:05:17,955 --> 00:05:20,040
Hey, you don't like many
people do you, Jen?
134
00:05:20,040 --> 00:05:23,960
No. And that should make you
feel extra special.
135
00:05:23,960 --> 00:05:24,720
Uh.
136
00:05:24,720 --> 00:05:25,320
Yeah.
137
00:05:25,320 --> 00:05:27,116
Oh, God, no, don't!
138
00:05:27,116 --> 00:05:29,040
Oh, what? Is your heart made of stone?
139
00:05:29,040 --> 00:05:30,520
Doesn't this bring back memories?
140
00:05:30,520 --> 00:05:32,920
Yeah, it was my only date in high school.
141
00:05:32,920 --> 00:05:35,360
God, I remember it, yes.
142
00:05:35,360 --> 00:05:40,200
I was emptying the spit valve on my
trumpet and this clarinet reed came, like,
143
00:05:40,200 --> 00:05:42,862
flying through the air
and hit stuck-up,
144
00:05:42,886 --> 00:05:46,180
skin flute playing Stacey
Prissface Barsella
145
00:05:46,180 --> 00:05:47,205
in the back of the neck.
146
00:05:47,205 --> 00:05:49,020
(jen laughs)
147
00:05:49,020 --> 00:05:52,600
Oh, my gosh, I remember. And then
after school we went to Mastori's
148
00:05:52,600 --> 00:05:55,480
and made them give us a bowl of
gravy to dip the french fries in.
149
00:05:55,480 --> 00:05:58,760
Which is a bizarre custom that you...
I don't know where you get this from...
150
00:05:58,760 --> 00:05:59,880
ALEX: They do that in Europe.
151
00:05:59,880 --> 00:06:00,620
JEN: Oh, they do?
152
00:06:00,620 --> 00:06:01,180
ALEX: Yeah.
153
00:06:01,180 --> 00:06:02,680
Aren't you cosmopolitan?
154
00:06:02,680 --> 00:06:04,720
It was so funny though. I
remember tha... I think that was
155
00:06:04,720 --> 00:06:08,160
when we realized how
much we both hated her guts.
156
00:06:08,160 --> 00:06:10,080
And we made up the nickname "Barfella"
157
00:06:10,080 --> 00:06:14,480
(jen retches twice) you know, and we became,
like, friends through shared animosity.
158
00:06:14,480 --> 00:06:18,020
See, uh, Jen, actually I...I liked Barfella.
159
00:06:18,044 --> 00:06:21,440
So that's why I threw things
at her, that's what boys do.
160
00:06:21,440 --> 00:06:26,200
And, you know, well, let's just...
let's just say she provided enough, uh,
161
00:06:26,200 --> 00:06:29,480
stroking material for me to get
through junior high without ever
162
00:06:29,480 --> 00:06:31,440
having to actually talk to a girl.
163
00:06:31,440 --> 00:06:32,640
Except for you, of course.
164
00:06:32,640 --> 00:06:33,200
Alex.
165
00:06:33,200 --> 00:06:34,120
Yeah.
166
00:06:34,120 --> 00:06:36,300
Why can't you let me enjoy my hate?
167
00:06:36,900 --> 00:06:40,960
MECCA: So then he puts his arm around me and
he goes, "This here's my next hoochie."
168
00:06:40,960 --> 00:06:44,160
Don't look at me like that, he didn't
mean it in a bad way. I know it.
169
00:06:44,160 --> 00:06:46,760
Uh, Mecca, if someone
did that to me, I'd be all,
170
00:06:46,760 --> 00:06:50,160
"And here's your next operation.
Hyah! Yah-yah!"
171
00:06:50,160 --> 00:06:51,160
(they laugh)
172
00:06:51,160 --> 00:06:52,040
MECCA: Whatever...
173
00:06:52,040 --> 00:06:54,000
Shouldn't we be helping, or something?
174
00:06:54,000 --> 00:06:56,640
So, how did you find this apartment?
175
00:06:56,640 --> 00:06:57,878
I lucked out.
176
00:06:57,878 --> 00:07:00,378
The landlord came
into work to copy legal forms
177
00:07:00,378 --> 00:07:01,740
and I went up to him
and I was like...
178
00:07:01,740 --> 00:07:03,500
Yo, it says, "Out this month!"
179
00:07:03,600 --> 00:07:06,040
I never liked your face, you no good bum!
180
00:07:06,040 --> 00:07:08,680
See you in housing court,
you blood-sucking leech!
181
00:07:08,680 --> 00:07:10,720
You didn't see the inside?
182
00:07:10,720 --> 00:07:14,640
Well, I mean, I had to grab it. This
is New York. I had to snatch it up.
183
00:07:14,640 --> 00:07:15,640
You poor dear.
184
00:07:15,640 --> 00:07:17,160
You know how apartments go.
185
00:07:17,160 --> 00:07:20,120
I know, honey, there are eight
million hovels in the naked city
186
00:07:20,120 --> 00:07:22,266
and you just got yourself one of them.
187
00:07:24,466 --> 00:07:28,940
(jen groans)
JEN: Make way for ugly furniture!
188
00:07:29,440 --> 00:07:32,720
Why are we taking this monstrosity?
189
00:07:32,720 --> 00:07:34,680
ALEX: It's a housewarming
gift from the folks.
190
00:07:34,680 --> 00:07:37,320
Oh, it's a heavy housewarming gift.
191
00:07:37,320 --> 00:07:41,140
MECCA: Check out the claws.
This couch needs a pedicure really bad.
192
00:07:43,240 --> 00:07:46,040
You know, this whole
changing my life deal is...
193
00:07:46,640 --> 00:07:49,360
It's gonna work out fine. I'm sure of it.
194
00:07:49,360 --> 00:07:51,140
Today, I am a man.
195
00:07:51,664 --> 00:07:52,640
(crash)
196
00:07:52,640 --> 00:07:54,680
ALEX: Oh, I'm afraid to look.
What was that?
197
00:07:54,680 --> 00:07:56,280
The fire hydrant.
198
00:07:56,280 --> 00:07:58,580
Today, you are a stupid man.
199
00:07:59,280 --> 00:08:01,640
ALEX: Welcome to my
low-down love shack.
200
00:08:01,640 --> 00:08:06,640
My super fat sin bin. My space
age bachelor pad, if you will.
201
00:08:06,640 --> 00:08:07,880
I won't.
202
00:08:08,504 --> 00:08:09,904
(cat yowls)
203
00:08:16,080 --> 00:08:21,785
Kitty, come here, come here. Aw, kitty,
kitty, kitty. Come on, mwah, give me kisses.
204
00:08:22,720 --> 00:08:25,360
Oh, look, you've got a microwave.
205
00:08:25,660 --> 00:08:27,360
That's the refrigerator.
206
00:08:29,360 --> 00:08:31,840
I ever tell you about the
time I lived in an air shaft?
207
00:08:31,840 --> 00:08:35,280
Was that before or
after the, uh, bank vault?
208
00:08:35,280 --> 00:08:39,080
JEN: Hey, look, it's a window and
a metaphor for your life.
209
00:08:39,080 --> 00:08:41,280
This couch smells like a litter box.
210
00:08:41,280 --> 00:08:45,840
Yeah, it's got that 70's porno movie
smell, so popular with today's youth.
211
00:08:45,840 --> 00:08:48,240
(chaka giggles)
I don't think that's popular with anyone.
212
00:08:48,240 --> 00:08:50,120
Speak for yourself.
213
00:08:50,120 --> 00:08:54,560
Well, I guess we got to chuck it. Sure gonna
be a pain getting this mother down the stairs.
214
00:08:54,560 --> 00:08:56,080
Why don't we just throw it out the window?
215
00:08:56,080 --> 00:08:58,920
Goat, your devotion to
laziness astounds me.
216
00:08:58,920 --> 00:09:01,080
Me and laziness? Like that.
217
00:09:01,080 --> 00:09:02,560
Well, it's worth a try.
218
00:09:02,569 --> 00:09:06,369
Chaka, you and Mecca stand out front, alright?
Make sure no one gets in the way.
219
00:09:06,760 --> 00:09:08,160
Do you think you can handle that?
220
00:09:08,160 --> 00:09:11,360
Whatever, Alex, you act like I'm,
like, Miss Irresponsible or something.
221
00:09:13,360 --> 00:09:15,700
You're cool. No one's coming.
222
00:09:16,100 --> 00:09:18,000
The first transport is away.
223
00:09:18,000 --> 00:09:20,860
You can fly. Be free, fly like the wind.
224
00:09:21,960 --> 00:09:24,720
Oh, here's the mother lode.
Get out of the way.
225
00:09:24,720 --> 00:09:26,660
You...you want a couch on your head?
226
00:09:27,360 --> 00:09:29,560
Oh, my God. I forgot
to tell you, Jimmy, like,
227
00:09:29,560 --> 00:09:32,360
swears up and down on that Cyan
forced him to go out with her.
228
00:09:32,360 --> 00:09:33,407
MECCA: Are you serious?
229
00:09:33,407 --> 00:09:35,080
CHAKA: Yeah, like...
ALEX: Yo, hey!
230
00:09:35,080 --> 00:09:36,200
Are we in the clear?
231
00:09:36,200 --> 00:09:38,280
Yeah, whatever. Throw it.
232
00:09:38,280 --> 00:09:40,721
She, like, threatened him
by telling him, like...
233
00:09:40,721 --> 00:09:41,999
She was gonna tell everybody...
234
00:09:41,999 --> 00:09:45,099
(they scream)
Oh my God! Oh my God!
235
00:09:45,099 --> 00:09:47,240
Yeah nice, Chaka, real nice.
236
00:09:47,240 --> 00:09:49,420
You want those crazy PETA people on my ass?
237
00:09:49,420 --> 00:09:51,120
(chaka groans)
ALEX: Watch what you're doing.
238
00:09:51,120 --> 00:09:52,400
All right, chill out.
239
00:09:52,400 --> 00:09:55,280
I'm on top of it. You got tons of room.
240
00:09:55,280 --> 00:09:58,080
Okay, but watch yourself.
This could get ugly.
241
00:09:58,080 --> 00:09:59,440
All right.
242
00:09:59,440 --> 00:10:01,960
WOMAN: Hey, Chaka,
Mecca, over here!
243
00:10:01,960 --> 00:10:03,030
What's up, yo?
244
00:10:03,030 --> 00:10:05,145
CHAKA: What's going on?
245
00:10:05,345 --> 00:10:07,580
Oh!
-Oh my God!
246
00:10:07,580 --> 00:10:08,580
(car alarm blares)
247
00:10:10,680 --> 00:10:13,520
Oh, man, that guy took down all my info.
248
00:10:14,120 --> 00:10:16,680
Now I'll have to foot the
bill to fix his crappy car.
249
00:10:16,680 --> 00:10:20,000
Man, I told you to establish
multiple identities.
250
00:10:20,000 --> 00:10:22,680
Oh, and guess who's chipping in, Chaka?
251
00:10:22,680 --> 00:10:25,740
No way. It was totally an accident.
252
00:10:25,740 --> 00:10:31,320
Ugh! When I drop dead from a heart attack
could somebody please inform my next of kin?
253
00:10:31,320 --> 00:10:32,280
Will do.
254
00:10:32,280 --> 00:10:36,100
Can I at least trust you two to watch
the van while we take stuff upstairs?
255
00:10:36,100 --> 00:10:37,400
I don't want to get ripped off.
256
00:10:37,400 --> 00:10:40,880
I'll guard your Hulk
shower curtain with my life.
257
00:10:40,880 --> 00:10:43,480
Grab the futon and let's
move out. I'll hold the door.
258
00:10:43,480 --> 00:10:44,220
Engage.
259
00:10:46,920 --> 00:10:48,080
Lift your end a bit, Jen.
260
00:10:48,080 --> 00:10:49,480
Is that a come on?
261
00:10:49,480 --> 00:10:50,960
Umm, yeah, sure.
262
00:10:50,960 --> 00:10:52,200
Aren't you an easy one?
263
00:10:52,200 --> 00:10:52,840
Ah, come on.
264
00:10:52,840 --> 00:10:54,280
Get down and spread 'em.
265
00:10:54,280 --> 00:10:56,160
Oh, yeah.
(jen laughs)
266
00:10:56,160 --> 00:10:59,320
Oh, you're so subtle.
Oh, God. Alex get over there,
267
00:10:59,320 --> 00:11:03,840
come on I'm...I'm stronger. I'm the manliest
of all of us and I should be on the bottom.
268
00:11:03,840 --> 00:11:04,640
Right.
269
00:11:04,640 --> 00:11:06,040
You bet, I'll get on the bottom.
270
00:11:06,064 --> 00:11:08,388
JEN: Dear sir, I was a 98 pound weakling,
271
00:11:08,388 --> 00:11:11,588
but then I sent for this amazing
growth hormone and all of a sudden...
272
00:11:11,588 --> 00:11:13,488
I just sprouted 12 inches!
273
00:11:13,488 --> 00:11:14,648
GOAT: You mean the "Man Maker?"
274
00:11:14,648 --> 00:11:16,648
JEN: Yes. You take the "Man Maker?"
275
00:11:16,648 --> 00:11:17,548
GOAT: Oh, yeah.
276
00:11:17,548 --> 00:11:20,532
(jen laughs)
JEN: Is it a pill or... or a contraption?
277
00:11:20,532 --> 00:11:21,360
GOAT: I'm not gonna get into that.
278
00:11:21,360 --> 00:11:25,080
All right, look. Shut up. This whole thing
is turning into one big pain in my ass.
279
00:11:25,080 --> 00:11:30,160
And it just does not help that you're
annoying and you're useless. Oh, son of!-
280
00:11:32,160 --> 00:11:33,920
Help. Please.
281
00:11:33,920 --> 00:11:36,360
I'm sorry, didn't you
just call me annoying?
282
00:11:36,360 --> 00:11:37,840
(elongated burp)
283
00:11:40,464 --> 00:11:41,464
JEN: Okay, here we go.
284
00:11:42,440 --> 00:11:44,920
Hey, partner, look.
There's Chaka and Mecca.
285
00:11:44,920 --> 00:11:47,560
You know something, I swear
Chaka wants to get with me.
286
00:11:47,560 --> 00:11:48,000
I know it.
287
00:11:48,000 --> 00:11:50,120
Bro, you're, like, bugging
out, man. Just chill with that.
288
00:11:50,120 --> 00:11:53,080
She's, like, off the meat rack
or something. I don't know.
289
00:11:53,080 --> 00:11:55,320
But you know what I mean, she's,
like, not worth the trouble.
290
00:11:55,320 --> 00:11:58,720
Oh, she's a little chicken head,
but hey, she's also kinda cute, man.
291
00:11:58,720 --> 00:12:00,680
Betcha I could get them
both back to my crib?
292
00:12:00,680 --> 00:12:04,160
With the quickness. Okay, now
watch me be all suave and crap.
293
00:12:05,080 --> 00:12:07,120
FRUITY: What's up, cuties?
What's happening?
294
00:12:07,120 --> 00:12:09,200
Yo, Matt. That's my brother's van.
295
00:12:09,200 --> 00:12:09,880
Oh...
296
00:12:09,880 --> 00:12:11,280
Alex is the Cookie King?
297
00:12:11,280 --> 00:12:13,040
No, he's just using it for the move.
298
00:12:13,040 --> 00:12:15,200
Yeah, Fruity? He's an expert at moves.
299
00:12:15,224 --> 00:12:16,400
(chaka laughs)
300
00:12:16,400 --> 00:12:18,600
Room for three?
301
00:12:18,600 --> 00:12:20,440
So, me and Mecca were, like,
looking for this club, right.
302
00:12:20,440 --> 00:12:21,120
It was horrible.
303
00:12:21,120 --> 00:12:22,760
CHAKA: And we both had to pee,
like, simultaneously.
304
00:12:22,760 --> 00:12:24,560
MECCA: We were in sync,
almost like twins or something.
305
00:12:24,560 --> 00:12:26,028
CHAKA: Like, we always
are, but, like, we ducked
306
00:12:26,052 --> 00:12:27,680
into this movie theater
and, like, this guy is like,
307
00:12:27,680 --> 00:12:29,480
"No, you can't come in here, d-d-d-d-dog.
308
00:12:29,480 --> 00:12:30,720
"You cannot use our toilet."
309
00:12:30,720 --> 00:12:32,460
MECCA: Like we're going to
steal a toilet or something?
310
00:12:32,460 --> 00:12:33,040
CHAKA: Right?
311
00:12:33,040 --> 00:12:35,240
MECCA: So stupid. It's a
normal bodily function.
312
00:12:35,240 --> 00:12:37,040
Hey, you know, I live
a few blocks from here.
313
00:12:37,040 --> 00:12:38,420
FRUITY: Just around the corner...
CHAKA: So, he's all like...
314
00:12:38,420 --> 00:12:40,000
"And how do I know you're
going to come back, Missy?
315
00:12:40,000 --> 00:12:41,400
"Do you have any ID?"
316
00:12:41,400 --> 00:12:42,610
And I'm like, what?
317
00:12:42,612 --> 00:12:44,000
MECCA: He's, like, looking
at it trying to figure out
318
00:12:44,000 --> 00:12:47,200
whether it's really hers or not.
Whether it's, like, a real school ID.
319
00:12:47,200 --> 00:12:49,880
CHAKA: I'm all like, you have, like, no
right to be looking at my name
320
00:12:49,880 --> 00:12:50,440
MECCA: Seriously.
321
00:12:50,440 --> 00:12:52,258
CHAKA: So he's all, "Chaka Hanson."
322
00:12:52,258 --> 00:12:54,500
And he's, like, checking out my card.
Seeing if it's validated...
323
00:12:54,500 --> 00:12:55,740
MECCA: We're like, what are you doing?
324
00:12:55,740 --> 00:12:57,200
CHAKA: I'm all like, who are you?
325
00:12:57,200 --> 00:12:59,293
Like, you're, like, a vending
person at a movie theater.
326
00:12:59,293 --> 00:13:01,240
MECCA: Right, like, go clean out
the popcorn machine, or something.
327
00:13:01,240 --> 00:13:02,560
CHAKA: I was like, yo...
328
00:13:02,560 --> 00:13:05,760
Like I was saying, I thought maybe
later we could all go over to my place.
329
00:13:05,760 --> 00:13:07,040
Aw, damn!
330
00:13:07,440 --> 00:13:08,800
Hey, you! Stop!
331
00:13:08,800 --> 00:13:11,000
Come back here with my van!
332
00:13:11,000 --> 00:13:12,320
Chaka!
333
00:13:12,320 --> 00:13:13,920
Wait up!
334
00:13:13,920 --> 00:13:15,640
What just happened?
335
00:13:15,840 --> 00:13:17,940
Your suave made them run away.
336
00:13:20,080 --> 00:13:21,560
Where do you want the spatula?
337
00:13:21,560 --> 00:13:23,440
Don't shake the box. Can't you read?
338
00:13:23,440 --> 00:13:26,501
(singsongy) Shake, shake, shake.
Shake, shake, shake.
339
00:13:26,501 --> 00:13:27,960
ALEX: Oh, you're...
JEN: Shake your booty.
340
00:13:27,960 --> 00:13:30,385
You are just a laugh riot today, aren't you?
JEN: Shake your booty.
341
00:13:30,385 --> 00:13:31,064
(normal voice) Thank you.
342
00:13:31,064 --> 00:13:32,240
♪ Pitchshifter - Genius ♪
343
00:13:32,240 --> 00:13:34,180
How much stuff is left outside, anyways?
344
00:13:34,180 --> 00:13:34,900
I don't know.
345
00:13:34,904 --> 00:13:36,904
They're sitting here, fooling around.
346
00:13:37,760 --> 00:13:40,840
The van?! Chaka!
347
00:13:40,840 --> 00:13:42,860
Oh, I'm gonna bust her ass.
348
00:13:43,984 --> 00:13:45,084
(music fades out)
349
00:13:45,160 --> 00:13:48,320
Oh, man, they're gone bro,
they're not coming back.
350
00:13:48,320 --> 00:13:51,140
Trust me, B, they always come back.
351
00:13:51,640 --> 00:13:55,440
Stupid Alex, and his stupid,
stupid, always being right.
352
00:13:55,440 --> 00:13:57,140
Wait, Chaka, look, over there. The van.
353
00:13:57,160 --> 00:13:58,312
CHAKA: What? Oh my God.
354
00:13:58,340 --> 00:14:02,700
(they scream)
Hey, hey you! Over here!
355
00:14:03,200 --> 00:14:04,600
No way Chaka, you're crazy.
356
00:14:04,600 --> 00:14:05,080
What?
357
00:14:05,080 --> 00:14:08,600
You can't get into a van with a
stranger. He could be, like, like,
358
00:14:08,600 --> 00:14:10,860
"Put the frigging lotion
in the basket!"
359
00:14:10,860 --> 00:14:12,600
I've got pepper spray.
360
00:14:13,800 --> 00:14:15,200
Cool van, is it yours?
361
00:14:15,200 --> 00:14:18,067
Of course it's mine.
I'm driving it, ain't I?
362
00:14:18,067 --> 00:14:19,840
(horn honks) Stop blocking the box!
363
00:14:19,840 --> 00:14:22,080
I'm Toby, uh, what's your name?
364
00:14:22,080 --> 00:14:25,280
Chaka. Listen, can I have a ride and
my friend Mecca and her cat? Thanks.
365
00:14:25,280 --> 00:14:28,840
No. Wait. I'm... kinda in the middle
of something right now. You see, I...
366
00:14:34,600 --> 00:14:37,000
Well, we might as well
leave that sofa outside.
367
00:14:37,000 --> 00:14:39,120
There's obviously no room for it in here.
368
00:14:39,120 --> 00:14:42,760
What if Morticia Addams drops by
and you want to put the moves on?
369
00:14:42,760 --> 00:14:46,480
Well, actually I always kind of preferred
Wednesday. Now, how likely is that?
370
00:14:46,480 --> 00:14:50,880
Oh, I'd say it's about as likely as you bagging
that spooky chick from the comic shop.
371
00:14:50,880 --> 00:14:51,880
Hm?
372
00:14:51,904 --> 00:14:54,304
(toilet flushes)
373
00:14:54,820 --> 00:14:57,480
How's the john? Big enough to contain you?
374
00:14:58,080 --> 00:15:00,080
Well, parts of me.
375
00:15:00,080 --> 00:15:01,800
Only problem is the bowl's busted.
376
00:15:01,800 --> 00:15:03,340
So I had to throw it under the sink.
377
00:15:03,340 --> 00:15:04,733
Ach, gross.
378
00:15:04,933 --> 00:15:06,765
(sighs) If I could just
figure out how to brew
379
00:15:06,789 --> 00:15:08,521
beer that doesn't make
you pee all the time.
380
00:15:09,120 --> 00:15:12,480
I'll paint a nice idyllic
country scene on that window.
381
00:15:12,480 --> 00:15:14,960
Some cows, a barn...
382
00:15:14,960 --> 00:15:16,360
Maybe a mass murder.
383
00:15:17,760 --> 00:15:19,800
Damn, what was I thinking?
384
00:15:19,800 --> 00:15:22,600
What if I made the wrong move?
I mean, I had it fat back home.
385
00:15:22,600 --> 00:15:26,360
No rent, no responsibilities, all
the chicken rolls I could eat.
386
00:15:26,360 --> 00:15:29,360
No sex, no self-esteem, no hope
of ever leading a normal life,
387
00:15:29,360 --> 00:15:31,200
no going to the bathroom...
ALEX: I've had sex.
388
00:15:31,200 --> 00:15:32,240
Yeah, sure you did.
389
00:15:32,240 --> 00:15:37,080
Anyway, even if you did make the wrong
decision, you've got to make the best of it now.
390
00:15:37,080 --> 00:15:39,340
And then spend decades complaining
ALEX: I did have sex.
391
00:15:39,340 --> 00:15:40,240
JEN: about your crummy apartment like
392
00:15:40,240 --> 00:15:42,360
every other New Yorker
who isn't a millionaire.
393
00:15:42,360 --> 00:15:44,560
Jen's right, man. You can not give up.
394
00:15:44,560 --> 00:15:50,760
You must not look back. Come hell, high water,
or a fleet of Ferengi coming up your ass.
395
00:15:50,760 --> 00:15:53,120
You must follow through
and confront your destiny.
396
00:15:53,120 --> 00:15:54,320
(watch whistles)
397
00:15:54,320 --> 00:15:55,620
Gotta go. Happy hour.
398
00:15:55,644 --> 00:15:58,444
Hey, since you're getting
rid of stuff, can I have the life-sized Xena?
399
00:16:00,920 --> 00:16:03,540
Um, where are the brakes again? Oh yeah.
400
00:16:04,440 --> 00:16:06,520
Get out of my way, tourist taco!
401
00:16:06,520 --> 00:16:08,120
Chaka, don't we have to get back?
402
00:16:08,120 --> 00:16:10,320
Mecca, don't go all parental
on me, I'm having fun.
403
00:16:10,320 --> 00:16:11,960
What about Alex?
404
00:16:12,560 --> 00:16:14,560
Hey, let's race that cab over there.
405
00:16:16,960 --> 00:16:21,040
So then they ran away, due to the fact
that they were overwhelmed by my charm.
406
00:16:21,040 --> 00:16:23,600
This couch is so hot!
407
00:16:23,600 --> 00:16:25,480
God, it's so... decadent.
408
00:16:25,480 --> 00:16:29,080
You can have it for 50 bucks.
It was my great-grandmother's.
409
00:16:29,080 --> 00:16:30,800
Mmm... I don't know.
410
00:16:30,800 --> 00:16:34,600
She was a madam in a
whorehouse in New Orleans.
411
00:16:34,600 --> 00:16:36,440
Uh, drank absinthe?
412
00:16:36,440 --> 00:16:37,240
Yeah,
413
00:16:37,240 --> 00:16:40,720
I don't think so. I don't know,
the claws are cool though.
414
00:16:40,720 --> 00:16:43,480
I'll tell you what,
I'll deliver it for free.
415
00:16:43,480 --> 00:16:46,280
Okay, I'll take it. I guess.
416
00:16:46,280 --> 00:16:48,700
Hey, guys, I'll give you
10 bucks each to help.
417
00:16:50,200 --> 00:16:55,020
Hey, that little creepy-crawly babe you're
so crazy about is taking off with your sofa.
418
00:16:55,520 --> 00:17:00,400
Don't let him up if he has to
use the bathroom. He's... dirty!
419
00:17:00,400 --> 00:17:01,680
God, who's yelling?
420
00:17:01,680 --> 00:17:03,040
I don't know. Some freak.
421
00:17:03,040 --> 00:17:06,300
Hey, didn't I see your picture on
the goth chick of the week website?
422
00:17:06,300 --> 00:17:07,720
Hmm, that's original.
423
00:17:07,720 --> 00:17:12,720
Damn. Still no sign of the van. Chaka doesn't
even have a license. At least not a real one.
424
00:17:12,720 --> 00:17:13,840
Where the hell are they?
425
00:17:14,840 --> 00:17:16,800
Wait, what are the rules again?
426
00:17:16,800 --> 00:17:21,480
Ok, you can be, like, anywhere in the world,
doing anything you want, with anyone.
427
00:17:21,480 --> 00:17:24,080
You have, like, unlimited money. Be specific.
428
00:17:24,080 --> 00:17:28,760
MECCA: Okay, I'm with this guy and he's
really sensitive and smart, and we're in love.
429
00:17:28,760 --> 00:17:32,240
And he buys me flowers, and
writes me love songs every other day.
430
00:17:32,240 --> 00:17:35,160
Mecca, where do you live?
Like, where are you in the world?
431
00:17:35,160 --> 00:17:37,120
I don't know. It doesn't matter.
432
00:17:37,120 --> 00:17:41,320
So we're having this seriously deep
connection on an almost cosmic level...
433
00:17:41,320 --> 00:17:43,080
(chaka groans)
And then he leans in and just
434
00:17:43,080 --> 00:17:43,880
before he's about to kiss me...
435
00:17:43,880 --> 00:17:46,720
What are you wearing?
What does he look like?
436
00:17:46,720 --> 00:17:47,560
Ugh, forget it.
437
00:17:47,560 --> 00:17:49,040
You don't even know
how to play this game.
438
00:17:49,040 --> 00:17:50,760
I'd live on a private island.
439
00:17:50,760 --> 00:17:55,520
Me too. Where the water was, like, always
crystal blue and the sand was always white
440
00:17:55,520 --> 00:17:58,080
and it was always exactly 85 degrees.
441
00:17:58,080 --> 00:18:01,720
Yeah. And we'd get shrimp and lobster and
vanilla, you know with the little beans in it.
442
00:18:01,720 --> 00:18:05,360
Yeah, whatever. We could have a chef
cooking gourmet style dinner all the time.
443
00:18:05,360 --> 00:18:07,960
Yo, a mansion, a television
with every room in it.
444
00:18:07,960 --> 00:18:12,320
We could have, like, our own private jet with,
like, our own DJ spinning any type of music.
445
00:18:12,320 --> 00:18:13,440
What about a casino?
446
00:18:13,440 --> 00:18:15,960
We can have a casino, yo, it's a fantasy.
447
00:18:15,960 --> 00:18:16,480
All right.
448
00:18:16,480 --> 00:18:18,740
See, Mecca, that's how you play the game.
449
00:18:19,840 --> 00:18:22,320
Ok, why don't you think of
the window as, I don't know,
450
00:18:22,320 --> 00:18:25,120
think of it as, like a...
a conversation piece.
451
00:18:25,120 --> 00:18:27,080
You know, and just be thankful
that you've got the broken
452
00:18:27,080 --> 00:18:28,960
toilet in the apartment
and not down the hall.
453
00:18:28,960 --> 00:18:33,160
Thanks for trying to cheer me up.
But, I am un...un...uncheerupable.
454
00:18:33,160 --> 00:18:35,760
Ha. I'm sorry, I don't speak your language.
455
00:18:35,760 --> 00:18:36,880
I made a new word today.
456
00:18:36,880 --> 00:18:39,120
You did, you coined a phrase, didn't you?
457
00:18:39,120 --> 00:18:43,800
But I must go now. I must return to my
apartment. Featuring unreliable hot water,
458
00:18:43,800 --> 00:18:48,200
slutty roommate, and plaster
chips that fall on my head. Buh-bye.
459
00:18:48,200 --> 00:18:49,210
Later.
460
00:18:50,910 --> 00:18:52,415
Pfft.
461
00:18:52,939 --> 00:18:54,939
♪ Foxy Brown - Hot Spot ♪
462
00:18:54,939 --> 00:18:58,224
Ugh! All the way to Atlantic City
and they wouldn't even let us gamble.
463
00:18:58,600 --> 00:19:00,780
What kind of dumb, wack law is that?
464
00:19:01,280 --> 00:19:04,420
Well, it's only 2am though,
we could still go out.
465
00:19:05,120 --> 00:19:06,500
What do you say, Mecca?
466
00:19:06,524 --> 00:19:08,424
(snoring)
467
00:19:08,800 --> 00:19:10,740
CHAKA: Wake up babes, you're home.
468
00:19:14,840 --> 00:19:18,800
Thanks for the ride.
Bye... Toby, or whatever.
469
00:19:18,800 --> 00:19:22,280
See ya, Chaka.
Mister Peepers says night-night.
470
00:19:23,480 --> 00:19:25,400
Uh, okay, where to now?
471
00:19:25,400 --> 00:19:30,380
Don't move. Just follow my
directions carefully, no one gets hurt.
472
00:19:31,280 --> 00:19:33,140
You know, you're a really weird chick.
473
00:19:34,764 --> 00:19:39,764
♪ Sonic Youth - Bull In The Heather ♪
474
00:19:41,188 --> 00:19:46,088
(rats squeak)
475
00:19:51,140 --> 00:19:53,640
(music stops)
(buzzer)
476
00:19:54,440 --> 00:19:56,200
CHAKA: Yo, it's me!
477
00:19:56,200 --> 00:19:57,340
Chaka?
478
00:19:58,064 --> 00:20:00,064
♪ Sonic Youth - Bull In The Heather ♪
479
00:20:01,880 --> 00:20:04,480
Oh God, I'm so beat.
480
00:20:04,480 --> 00:20:06,480
Don't worry, I can sleep
on the floor, though.
481
00:20:06,480 --> 00:20:09,280
Where's the van?! What...what the
hell happened? Where have you been?
482
00:20:09,280 --> 00:20:12,000
Ugh, don't freak! This guy stole
it and I had to track him down
483
00:20:12,000 --> 00:20:14,360
and spend the whole day with him
so he wouldn't suspect anything.
484
00:20:14,360 --> 00:20:17,120
Then, I had to hold pepper spray to his
head and force him to bring it back.
485
00:20:17,120 --> 00:20:18,540
It's parked right
outside in a legal spot
486
00:20:18,540 --> 00:20:19,540
(music stops)
so thank me, okay?
487
00:20:19,540 --> 00:20:22,420
Oh, God, Chaka, you know, you
really are a brilliant liar.
488
00:20:22,420 --> 00:20:25,480
Fine, don't believe me. Can I stay, anyway?
489
00:20:25,780 --> 00:20:29,200
(sighs) Yeah, I guess.
Too tired to argue.
490
00:20:30,400 --> 00:20:31,800
You're the best, brother.
491
00:20:31,800 --> 00:20:33,880
I'll make you coffee
in the morning, maybe.
492
00:20:33,880 --> 00:20:36,520
Um, but don't wake
me before noon, okay?
493
00:20:36,520 --> 00:20:38,320
Wow, it really is a dump in here.
494
00:20:39,120 --> 00:20:43,200
Yeah. Guess this is what they
refer to as real life, huh.
495
00:20:43,200 --> 00:20:45,540
Well, it may not be pretty but at
least now you won't have to worry
496
00:20:45,540 --> 00:20:48,540
about mom interrupting your
personal time in the bathroom.
497
00:20:49,040 --> 00:20:52,200
Yeah, that's true.
Wait, wha... You know about that?
498
00:20:52,500 --> 00:20:53,580
Mmm...
499
00:20:53,580 --> 00:20:54,580
(knocking on door)
500
00:20:56,280 --> 00:20:59,000
Hey, Chaka, I'm sick of waiting downstairs.
501
00:20:59,560 --> 00:21:01,880
Sorry about the van,
man. Your sister's cool.
502
00:21:01,880 --> 00:21:03,840
Toby, this is Alex.
503
00:21:03,840 --> 00:21:06,360
Um, I told Toby he could crash here, too.
504
00:21:06,360 --> 00:21:07,980
That's okay with you, isn't it, Alex?
505
00:21:08,880 --> 00:21:10,020
Alex?
506
00:21:30,921 --> 00:21:35,275
Captions by Magnus